Swingers Fails
Going by all the sexy clips on Twitter and Tumblr from swingers around the world, you would think that swinging is always an erotic journey into unadulterated ecstasy. Hot, sexy bodies writhing together, seemingly always doing just the right thing to each other at the right time. Most of the time, swinging is the most exhilarating experience ever but we’ve all been there once or twice when things just don’t go how you’d hoped.
Here are some common swingers fails to remind you to bring your sense of humour along with your lacy underwear:
Fighting Swingers
Swinger couples are no different to any other married couple. We all generally have a regular work and family life, and endure all the same related stresses. Just because a couple plays together, that doesn’t mean they don’t have shouting matches over their bowls of cereal in the morning occasionally. However, for most part, bickering couples leave their grievances at home, not bring them to a swingers party. Unfortunately, sometimes the smallest trigger is enough to start a blazing row. I recall one couple at a party storming off into the night half-naked due to a domestic disruption. The issue had nothing to do with swinging or jealousy. Rather, it was about something pretty trite like whose turn it was to run the kids to their sporting event the next morning. Clearly both partners wanted to have a big night…
Moral of the story – If you’ve had a fight, take a raincheck on meeting people or partying until you like each other again.
They Don’t Look Like Their Photos…
We’ve all chosen the more flattering photos to post on adult personals but there are some people who still use flattering photos of other people to lure sexy couples to their profiles. This was probably more common before the advent of things like reverse photo search engines and dating websites that offer verification services, but a lot of new, inexperienced swinger couples still fall for this trickery. Without ensuring first that the couple is in fact a Brad and Angelina lookalike, hopeful newbie swingers set up a date and thereby set themselves up for terrible disappointment. Maybe, just maybe, they looked really hot twenty years ago? Either way, you know you don’t want to go any further with them (the deception being the biggest turn off), but you feel rude even insinuating that they aren’t who they said they were. Cue the exit strategy.
Moral of the story – There are ways to find out if a couple isn’t using actual photos of themselves. RedHotPie for example offers a verification feature to help couples locate other genuine couples.
Don’t We Know You From Somewhere?
Swingers living in larger cities rarely have to be concerned about running into people they know in the scene but it still can happen. If discretion is super, super important to you, then it’s important that you vet the couples you meet to the Nth Degree, and then some. Most of us are however generally happy to take our chances and live with any embarrassment caused by your child’s kindergarten teacher seeing you cavorting in a PVC teddy at a swingers club. Still, it’s a jolt to the system to see someone you know from your regular life. Especially if that person was the last person you expected to see. Take heart in knowing that some people have seen their own parents at a swingers club. This has to top all the swingers fails surely?
Moral of the story – If you live in a small town or city, practice ‘monogamous’ swinging or take regular trips out of town to play.
Coming Out of the Closet
Swinging gives couples the opportunity to explore their sexuality together, as well as experiment in things that they may not have been able to while single. Some people also conform their sexuality to the relationship they are in so swinging provides an avenue for them to break out. This is fine as long as both partners are on the same page. For example, bisexual male action was pretty much a niche interest amongst swingers for a while but now it’s widely enjoyed. This is absolutely fantastic of course but it would be wise to let your partner know of your proclivity before you act on it! I remember one young couple who had some experience with swinging but it was the first time the male partner felt the urge to perform oral sex: on another guy. His partner was OK with it initially but it became soon obvious that she wasn’t. Needless to say, the fun ended then and there. It does therefore make sense to let your partner know if something that’s been out of the ordinary interests you. This goes for kinks as well.
Moral of the story – Keeping a copy of 50 Shades of Grey on your nightstand is not enough communication for your partner to know you want a little something extra. Communicate!
