You Know You’re A Swinger When…
- Your sex life would make Ron Jeremy blush.
- You hear the word ‘play’ and your first thought is not live theatre.
- You have to stop and think for a minute when asked what your hobbies are so that you can come up with something PG-rated.
- Every time your vanilla friends ask what you’re up to on the weekend you reply ‘oh, just having a quiet one.’
- You spend the trip to work on Monday fabricating a weekend of ‘co-worker friendly’ activities.
You Know You’re A Swinger When…
- Your idea of a yoga class is a naked human pretzel of at least 4 bodies.
- The only club you belong to is a swinger’s club.
- Before introducing your ‘special’ friends to other friends, you have to make up a story about how you met.
- The majority of your mobile phone contacts include a screenname as the surname because you don’t actually know their last name.
- You get lucky more often now that you’re married than you did when you were single.
- You refuse to check text messages in public in case it’s a sexy picture message.
- Your (or your partner’s) adult outfit and sex toy collection is more extensive than your local sex shop.
- You’ve found yourself saying ‘yes it was lovely to meet you too’ on more than one occasion while you were naked…having sex…with someone else’s wife/husband on/under you.
- On a blind first date you worry if you’ll recognise them with clothes on.
- Testing a new bed involves asking the shop assistant to jump up and down on it with you and your partner to see how it holds up.
- A major consideration of buying a trench coat is if it will cover your ‘slutty cop’ costume so that you can subtly leave the house in it.
- Your social life is sexier than porn.
- You are greeted by name by the owners of the local swinger’s club.
- You find strip clubs boring because there’s no ‘real’action going on.
- You read 50 Shades of Grey and wondered what all of the fuss was about.
- You don’t have a ‘fucket list’ because you’ve already ticked off all of your fantasies.
You Know You’re A Swinger When…
- You don’t bat an eyelid at people going at it on the dancefloor, or the bar, or the stage, or…
- There’s condoms and lube in your shopping basket every time that you go shopping – even though your husband has had a vasectomy or your wife is on the pill.
- You know what the acronyms FFM, FWB, NSA, DDF, ONS and RHP mean.
- You refuse to commit to vanilla friends’ holiday parties in case there is a swinger’s club theme night on.
